Hmm.

Nowadays it so silent. I hardly talk to him nor seeing him just in maple. He is avoiding me. Nor he asked me not to talk to his brother again. This is the reason why, I didn't trust boy or even start a relationship with them.I failed in friendship how about in more serious relationship? I'm sure I will failed too.

Hm, I don't know if I am being so emotional lately but things drag me. I was sick few days ago and now I am relieved. But, there is problem I had now. Lately I am so tired. Mentally and physically. I used to have him to release my pain so that I can feel better and energetic. However, it didn't work anymore nor he don't want me to care about him again. I am sad actually. Should I just... disappear?

I want to make a decision that I might not regret it one day but to think to leave him is already pain. I dont know what to do now. I like and love him but he didn't. How can I born this way? why.... everytime i love someone, it wont last long? is it fate? can i just have a chance?

I don't know if I am still breathing now. I feel like..... its empty. I bought a couple necklace that I am thinking to give him but we are not couple. So, I won't give it to him. My hand feel so numb to write this post. I want to make him happy ... then, should i just leave him? like what he want it to be?

I always thinking and ask my self whether I will be still alive tomorrow. Keep looking at the bright sky and shining star. The wind breeze making a soft sound and whispering me a thing that I cannot understand. Sometimes I close my eyes to think the way but I scared if its not the real one.

If I am not breathing tomorrow, will he remember me? I hope so and would like to tell him I will still wait for him. If I am not breathing again, I hope I still have a chance to look at him up there and protect him. I badly want to see him in real face-to-face and stare at his face. I was to see him smiling. When he cry, I want to lend him my shoulder and wipe his tears. When he is in hardship, I want to help to make it light and solve it.

People love other peoples because of their appearance. But for me, I can't explain why I love someone especially someone  like you. You give me power to move on when I broke up with my ex boyfriend but now you are leaving me.Is it because you have one? Maybe it could be. But I will be still waiting. Even I am not around, one thing  I want you to know, I will still wait for you until God takes me and its a promised. I was to see you badly. Please...

God........ please fulfil my wish... I want to see him badly.. If I still have a long life, can you just exchange it with seeing him in person and talk to him? please? I never feel like this before... It hurts me.. not to see him...its hurt so much. Even though it will disappoint me to see him... I still want to... I dont know if i am stubborn but i beg you for  this.